From the edge of the swamp

Location: marengo, il, United States

Sunday, April 11, 2010

political science

a man from near the tasman sea sat with intentions of teaching me in the manly art of burping well; something i though i knew.

lesson one, he said, is say "bah-rack"! do not hold it in and do not hold back. practice until you have it right and you will know when you do.

i mastered the task easy enough but he warned, it may really get rough. so now here comes your lesson two: belch loudly and say, "OH"!

it made no sense, i had to confess, but i practiced hard, nevertheless. keep it up, he would evermore say; it must always sound just so.

i mastered that sound but he would not approve, not noticing how i had got in my groove. but before i could catch my breath and relax, he hit me with lesson three.

speak as a southern man, says he, who might make this sound most casually; pronounce it slow and drag it way out. wave and mouth the word, "bye".

i felt perplexed and told him so he would not listen. he said, let's go! lesson four is coming right up. are you ready to pass this test?

well, that did it for me, so i stood right up and said sure, why not? let me try my luck. he asked me then how i said the word "bye" so i respondedly burped a loud "bah".

very good, he says. let's move on along. this next one is hard -- most get it wrong. belch out the one who gave you birth, and i asked, you mean my ma?

exactly, was all the response i received. you are ready, he said, i do believe. now take a deep breath and let some out, and then burp each phrase for me.

"bah-rack OH! bah ma"! i belched aloud! you're a patriot now; you must feel proud! no, i said -- just merely relieved. and then i went off to bed.